Jef -f Dun-Ham

Last Thursday Rusty and I went to see Jeff Dunham in Pocatello. He is a ventriloquist and is absolutely HILARIOUS!!! It was a blast! My sides still hurt! If you're not sure who he is, go to You Tube and look up "Jeff Dunham" my two favorite puppets are probably Peanut and Achmed the dead terrorist. Funny Stuff!!

Just for you Steph :)

The other day I logged into Facebook and discovered that my long lost cousin, Stephanie had found me. We are not cousins by blood or even marriage, but we are related by some kickin' good childhood memories!

Anyway, she just got married about a month ago, Congrats Steph :), and she wants to see more wedding pics of Rusty and I. I tried to post a video I made for Rusty a while ago for Valentine's Day of '08, but for some reason it wouldn't work, so I quickly put together a slideshow of some of my favorite pictures and that wouldn't load either. Man, this thing just doesn't like me today! So, here are a few more pictures of my wonderful wedding almost 2 1/2 years ago.

My Dad and I sharing a "Daddy/Daughter Dance" at the Reception in Yuma, Arizona

My wonderful mother who I will LOVE even after the day I die!

Rusty and I outside the temple.
Only in Arizona can you have pictures on green grass in November!

This is all of our family that traveled up for the wedding!

Thanks you guys!!

I LOVE this picture!

I'm Going to Camp!!

Last week, Bishop called me into his office (and we all know what that means . . . new calling) and he asked me to be the Assisstant Camp Director!

AHHHHH!!!!!

Talk about something new!

So I met with the camp director on Sunday and it turns out she is not even going to be at camp because she has to have surgey, again . . .

AHHHHH!!!!!

Fortunately, I do get to call another person to be my assisstant. Whew :) Holy cow I didn't realize how much work goes into preparing for camp! The food, activities, scheduling, equipment, certification, and the list goes on . . . and on . . . and on! But, like my piano teacher used to say,

"You eat an elephant one bite at a time!"

Amen to that!

I AM EXCITED, though! My sister, Katelyn is coming to stay with me this summer and she is going to come to camp too, so I'm excited for her! It will be a BLAST!!

Wish Me Luck

(I'm going to need it )

;)

Every Little Thing

Blogging is a new experience for me and the best part is being able to keep in touch with people. As I have been reading about all of the events in people's lives I have noticed either one of two things. Either people are writing about their children (whether they are expecting, just had a baby, or have several kids) or are writing about longing for them and struggles of infertility.

Unfortunately, I fall into the later category. Although, Rusty and I have not been officially deemed "infetile" (simply because we havn't been "trying" for an entire year . . . yet, but close) I certainly feel that way.

When Rusty and I first decided to start trying for a baby I was sooooo excited! I got online and started looking up early signs of pregnancy, signing up for magazines and newsletters, looking at EVERYTHING baby and thinking . . .
It's just a matter of time.
Little did I know how much "time" that would be. Not long after we started trying I thought I had missed a period, so I took a pregnancy test. It came up negative and a couple days later I started my period. I was bummed, but not defeated because we hadn't been trying very long and besides . . . there is always next month.

After five long months of trying, wishing, hoping, waiting, and disappointing results I decided it was time to go get checked out. As I sat in the doctors office and poured out my concerns he discussed several things with me. The first of which was the fact that maybe I simply have a longer cycle (like 45 days, instead of the normal 28) and that I really am not as irregular as I think. The next thing we discussed was the possiblity and likelihood that I am insulin resistant, which can cause annovulation aka you don't ovulate! I had some digging to do.

Infused with new hope I went to Wal-Mart and got an ovulation kit and was determined to track my cycle and start being proactive in our quest for a child. I did discover that I have a 45 day cycle, which means that I ovulate much less than the average woman, but
I wasn't going to let that get me down.
I tried several ovulation kits and couldn't get a positive result. I'm beginning to think that my chances of being a mom of MY children are not that good.

So, I thought I had a 45 day cycle, but now I have completely missed a cycle. It has been almost TWO months since I had a period. Being EXTREMELY EXCITED about this development I have taken several pregnancy tests with high hopes . . .
only to have them crushed!
I am still waiting for either my period or more significant signs of pregnancy, but I have to say my hopes are not high for the miracle of conception.

I know that my pain has not been as sustained as some women I have read about, nor is my story the most tragic, but it still hurts! I sill feel and enourmous amount of longing and failure.

I am often frustrated with myself when I allow every little thing to make me think that I am pregnant and get my hopes up, only to be crushed by the one pink line staring back at me. If my chest feel slightly more tender, my stomach a little bit upset in the morning or evening, if I feel a little light headed, a bit more tired I allow my imagination to run wild where it eventually ends up making me believe or hope that I am pregnant.

I am trying to be strong
Trying to stay grounded
Trying to curb my longing
Trying to put my trust in the Lord
BUT . . .
It's Hard

Please don't think that I am not sincerely happy for those of you who have and are experiencing the miracle of pregnancy, delivery, and parenthood because I am!!! I couldn't be more excited for you to experience what I only dream about.

I must admit that I very nervous about posting something so personal, but I hope that out there somewhere someone has learned from my story what I have learned from the many I have read . . . you are not alone!!!

There are many of us struggling and in the end I know that someday, I will get to look down into the face of an angel that calls me "Mom!"