We Are Now Friends :)

The sewing machine and I . . . are now FRIENDS!!!!! 

I have done VERY LITTLE sewing in my life and that is mostly due to the fact that the sewing machine and I have NOT been friends!! IF you want to hear a sewing machine cry when someone sits down to it and snarl while in use, come to my house!! If an "oops" can be made in sewing I can make it!

However, this is all starting to change.  Last fall my mom gave me a crash course in sewing when she was up here and I am slowly getting the hang of it.  This last week I made a couple of carseat covers (way cute pieces of fabric that attach to infant carseat handles and go over the whole carseat to help keep your little one sheltered from cold, sun, rain, snow, etc). 

I made one for a friend who is having a baby boy and one who is having a baby girl.  I am REALLY HAPPY with how they turned out!! Over the course of this project I have mastered threading my machine and refilling and re-threading the bobon.  I am still trying to master the sewing a straight sem :) It's a work in progress, but with no MAJOR screw ups the sewing machine and I are now friends and I hope that this is the start of a beautiful relationship. :)  Here are some pics of my projects.

Here is the boy cover. Aren't those jungle animals cute?!

Here is a close up of the fun buttons I put on the straps that attach to the carseat handle. T

he buttons are just for decoration.  The straps attach with velcro.

Here is an up close pic of this CUTE fabric.  Look I even put on some rick rack!!

This is the girl cover I did.  Don't you just LOVE those flowers?! I DO!! :)

Here's a close up of those dang cute buttons!!

I LOVE the polka dots with the flowers!! I also did some cute rick rack on this one.

I am beginning to be a HUGE fan of rick rack!! So cute!! :)

 

Why Wasn't It Me?

Yesterday I found out some exciting news.  At least it will be exciting.  Right now, I have mixed feelings. 

My younger sister (18 yrs. old) just found out she is pregnant with her boyfriends baby.

I have smiled, I have been excited, and I have cried . . . a lot.

Last night I recieved a phone call from my mom and after some chit chat she announced the real reason for the call.  To tell me that my younger sister is pregnant.  It hit me like a ton of bricks!! I have mostly been in a state of shock and disbelief.  I WANT to be happy for my sister and I AM happy for her.  I know that she will make a great mother.  She is the sweetest girl I know and is so much fun! She has so much potential for good and is already proving to be willing to sacrifice for her unborn baby.  But I can't help but acutely feel the loss of my own baby and my lack of fertility. 

I cried to my husband last night and said, "It's NOT FAIR!! When is it going to be OUR turn?! We have lived our lives righteously!  We are good people!  Why not US?!"  I know that it does me no good to ask that question of "WHY?" but I can't help but look to the heavens and wonder what the bigger picture is here. 

I am excited to start making car seat covers, name blocks, and other cute crafty things for my sister to use with her new little one, but I just can't get over the sting of it right now. 

All of these senarios and questions keep running through my head:
~ If I hadn't miscarried I would have an almost 7 month old baby right now.
~ What am I doing wrong that I can't get pregnant?
~ What is it the Lord wants me to learn?
~ Haven't I learned the lesson yet?
~ How do I keep going through all of this?
~ When will the pain stop?
~ When will the stinging feeling I feel when someone announces their pregnancy go away?
~ Why can't I just be happy for them?
~ When is it going to be MY turn?

I know a lot of these questions are irrational and I know all of the perfectly logical and spiritual answers to each one and I know which ones have no answer. 

I don't write this to get pitty or to even get answers because I know there aren't any.  I write this for me.  I hurt right now and this is the only way I know of to make me feel better.  To send my thoughts and feelings out into the cosmos. 

I know that the Lord loves me, has blessed me (TREMENDOUSLY!!), has a plan for me, and that my turn is coming.  Tomorrow is a new day I will take this one day at a time.  I WILL get through this.  The sun WILL rise and life WILL go on. 

But for right now . . .

IT'S

NOT

FAIR!

Fun Family Weekend

This last weekend was a lot of fun and full of family.  On Saturday most of my in-laws ended up at my house hanging out while Rusty and his brother Quin changed the oil in our vehicles.  Luckily it has warmed up here in the Arctic and the SNOW IS MELTING!!!!! Here are some pictures of my cutie-patotie nephews playing in the mud/ice puddle in my driveway :)

Nothing better than a mud puddle and a stick! :)

We were supposed to be watching this little guy for my sis-in-law while she went on a date with her hubby. Aren't we great?! he he ;)

Later that weekend we took a road trip up to West Yellowstone for the Snowmoblie Expo.  We only caught a few races because they were pretty much done for the weekend, but here are a few pics of the awesome jumps I caught on film!! :)

Pretty sweet huh?!! :)

On the way to and from West Yellowstone Rusty's nephews took turns riding with "Uncle" (Rusty) and I, along with my mom-in-law and another sis-in-law in our car.  As a result I was able to catch the cutest moment on film.  This little guy just passed out on the way home!

Kids really can sleep ANYWHERE can't they?! Too cute! :)

I hope everyone else had a GREAT weekend too!! Because I sure did! ;)



Puppies, Puppies, Puppies!!

Like most girls I am NUTS for animals, especially BABY animals and puppies are no exception.  Rusty and I have a friend who has several border collies that he breeds and then sells the puppies.  So, of course, I have been bugging Rusty for a puppy.  Because, let's face it, if I can't have a human baby, then I should at least have a dog baby, right? he he he :)

Well, for Christmas my darling husband DID get me a puppy.  The puppy featured below. Unfourtunately, he ran away within the first 24 hours of getting him!! Yep, that's me aren't a GREAT pet owner? 

This is the first puppy, but he was actually pretty big already.  He was like 6 months old.

So, yesterday I got THIS puppy instead! Isn't she just precious!!!  She's only about 6 weeks old so she is little and just DANG CUTE!!!!  Here's some pics :)

Look at those big, beautiful, blue eyes!! And don't you just LOVE the freckles on her nose?! I do!! :)

Chow Time baby!! I tell you what this little pup is going to be FAT because she eats like there's no tomorrow and drinks like a camel!! :)

Nice little profile shot there :)

 

So I think I'm going to call her SHASTA Tell me what you think.  Got any other ideas? I would LOVE to hear them :)

Simply FABULOUS!!

They're ZEBRA!!! Need I say more?  :)  That's what Rusty gets for going to training and leaving me alone for a week!! Bwahahahaha!! ;)

Elisabeth and Me

This year in Sunday School the course of study is the New Testament, which I am WAY excited about because I LOVE reading about the life and ministry of the Savior.  Anyway, this last week the lesson was on the things that preceeded the birth of the Savior, like the birth of John the Baptist.  Well in order to talk about John the Baptist we had to talk about his parents: Zacharias and Elisabeth.  There were several things that just resonated with me during this lesson and I thought I would share them.  :) 

Frist, let me give just a little bit of background.  (Just as a refresher) So Elisabeth and Zacharias were both old and had never been able to have children even though the WANTED them.  Zacharias was a high priest who worked in the temple and was in charge of burning the incense.  One day in the temple the Angel Gabriel came to Zacharias and told him that his wife would bear a son.  Zacharias was in complete shock and disbelief (understandably) and as a result was struck dumb. There's the background.

Here's is how I relate to Elisabeth and am inspired by her story:

1.) When Elisabeth found out she was pregnant she said, "Thus hath the Lord dealt with me in the days wherein he looked on me, to take away my reproach among men." (Luke 1:25)
    ~ To me this scripture says several things.  First, that Elisabeth was flattered the Lord chose her to have a child in general, especially after so long of being barren.  The second is that by becoming pregnant she no longer felt like an outsider in a fertile world.  I often feel like an outsider in a fertile community that is having babies, raising children, and establishing families.  I really relate to Elisabeth in this instance because I know that when I do become pregnant someday that "my reproach among men" will also be taken away.  I also know that I will feel INCREDIBLY blessed to be so trusted by the Lord to bear and rear His children. 

2.) When Gabriel is first telling Zacharias that he is going to be a father he said, "And thou shalt have joy and gladness; and many shall rejoice at his birth." (Luke 1:14) 
     ~ When I read this it gave me so much hope! It is my belief that once Elisabeth gave birth, and even before when she simply TOLD others she was pregnant, that the people rejoiced for a couple of reasons.  I think they rejoiced in John because of who he was, the man he became, and the things he accomplished for men's salvation.  I also think they rejoiced for and with Elsabeth for the simple fact that SHE HAD A BABY!!!!! I think that when people know of someone struggling with infertility, they geniuinly want that person to have their happy beginning to a new journey and have a baby.  I really and truly believe that. So, I think that people were happy for her because the Lord and FINALLY seen fit to bless Elisabeth and Zacharias with what they had so long hoped for! I feel that when my time comes there will be many who rejoice with me.  When I was pregnant the first time, there were many who rejoiced with me, and many who mourned with me when I miscarried.  Often I have felt alone in this journey, but it is just occurring to me that I haven't been.  Of course my Savior has always been with me, but so have my friends and family.  Those that I thought could never truly understand the heartache of inferility have been right there with me.  No they may not know what its like to be infertile, but they don't have to.  All they have to know is that I am hurting and they are my friend.  So many people have known just that and been my support.  They have laughed with me, cried with me, been frustrated with me, listened to me rant and rave, watched me try to be strong, and to fall apart.  They are my friends and I am truly grateful for them.

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways and continues to pour out His blessings upon my husband and I.  He has not left me alone.  He has left me friends, family, and the Holy Ghost.  I am in no way shape or form alone.  And I am in no way shape or form giving up hope.  I will have a family someday and will hear the pitter-patter of little feet because the Lord loves ME just as He loves Elisabeth.

The Real Meaning of Christmas

I saw this on a friend's blog and had to share! It is such a good reminder of what the Christmas season and life in general is all about.  It is told through the simplistic and pure eyes of a child.  Enjoy!! And Merry Christmas!!

4 years of Marital Bliss!

This post is a little late, but Rusty and I just celebrated our 4th Anniversary!! It really doesn't seem like it's been that long. 

When I look back on the last four years, I can't help but feel incredibly blessed!! Rusty and I have been through A LOT this past year and are stronger because of it.  He is truly the one I lean on and is my rock. 

I love his goofy sense of humor.
I love his tender heart. 
I love it when he talks like "TAZ" because it just makes me laugh!!
I love what a hard worker he is.  Ask anyone and they will tell you that he is highly dependable and will 
   always do a good job!
I love how he thinks that I am beautiful, especially when I look in the mirror and see only a fat, infertile blob!
   He keeps me going :)
I love that he ALWAYS says, "I love you" at the end of EVERY phone call.
I love that he STILL opens every door for me!
I love that he ALWAYS says goodbye to me and gives me a kiss every morning before he leaves
I love that he works hard to make sure I am taken care of.  He truly wants the best for us both and that is so
   endearing to me.
I love how he is with his nephews and niece.  They LOVE him, well Maggie is a little more selective, but
   warming up to him.  But the nephews just can't get enough of "Uncle."

I could go on and on about all the things I love about him.  The funny thing is that the longer we're are married, the longer my list gets!! I love you Rusty Tuckett!!! :)